The roller glided effortlessly across the floor. Each successive stroke added beautiful color to the pale gray floor. Marveling over the transformation happening before his very eyes left the painter unaware of his surroundings. A sudden revelation transfigured the painter's face which had been beaming, but now looked perplexed and twisted by the reality facing him. Though he had painted brilliantly, he stood trapped in a corner without a viable exit. No, this is not a confession. However, many have committed this cardinal error of painting. Never paint yourself in a corner!
At this time, I will proceed with a confession. I was struck with a startling epiphany recently. By God's word, His Holy Spirit, and subsequent observation, I confronted a cardinal error of parenting. For some time now, I have been parenting myself in a corner. How do you do that? I'm glad you asked.
The best way to understand this cardinal error is through the eyes of experience, in this case my experience. A major battleground has emerged in our home. The lines have been drawn by both sides. The frustration and exasperation has peaked like the majestic Grand Tetons in Wyoming. What is this battleground? It is the periodically cyclonic and oft tornadic bedroom shared by our girls. The room can accelerate from clean to a state of emergency in minutes. If you have children, then can I get a witness?
Here my brilliant parenting skills grab gobs of attention in the display window of wisdom, er, I mean "wisdom." I concocted a wise and soundproof strategy for seeing the job through to completion. "Girls, you have x amount of time to clean your room. If you do not successfully complete this task by x amount of time, then you will receive y punishment." Now that is sound thinking if I do say so myself! There is no way they will want to flirt with the aforementioned disaster, so that room should just about clean itself. You can insert laughter and eye-rolling here, if you like.
After leaving the room, rubbing my hands together as if to congratulate my brilliance, I dared assume the work would be done without a hitch or a glitch. But within minutes, shrill sounds pierced through the fog of "wisdom" hanging in the house, penetrating my ear lobes, banging off my ear drums and bouncing around incessantly in my head. What could possibly have gone wrong? I was crystal clear. The allotted time is more than reasonable. The proposed punishment serves as supreme motivation for getting the job done right. I don't understand.
SCRATCHING THE SURFACE
We have many head-scratching moments as parents. As the initial time elapsed and the job remained wildly undone, I faced a choice. Should I uphold my word, or give them another chance? Then, a true light bulb moment occurred. I could double down and give them another reasonable amount of time, while proposing an additional punishment that would surely motivate them. Not only had I parented myself in a corner, I had just parented myself deeper into the corner. Once again, my brilliance was foiled. The time elapsed and the work remained grossly undone. Now, I had to uphold my word and render the punishment.
Some of you right now are scratching your heads at my wonderful parenting skills on display. You came up with your own workable solutions to the problem. You may have spoken them aloud to the computer as you were reading this, in the hope that I might hear you. Some of you may have agreed that the solution seemed wise and doable. And some of you recalled your own parenting corners that you have put yourself in through the years.
Have you ever parented yourself in a corner? The classic phrase that stands out among those who have done so is this, "or else." Do this or else! Finish that or else! I've learned that occasionally I really did not want to enact y punishment, but because I had taken this "or else" stance I had little choice. If I failed to uphold my word, then I would be seen as a flip-flopper in the girls' eyes. My word would morph into more of a suggestion, rather than something to be obeyed. Do you identify with me in this, just a little?
The wheels in my brain smoked and squeaked from repeatedly turning over the perceived lunacy that I had witnessed. Why couldn't the motivation of y punishment motivate my precious girls? Then, like a flash, I was struck with one question. When has it ever consistently motivated me? That's when I knew something had to change.
EUREKA MOMENT
Through God's word, I have been reminded of two fundamental parenting truths. Like my heavenly Father I must delight in unchanging love(see Micah 7:18-20). Paul admonished the Ephesian church to be imitators of God. As a child of God, I should embody this as I discipline my children. The prophet Micah extols God as the unmatchable God who pardons iniquity, and treads those iniquities under foot. He assures us that God casts sins into the depths of the sea. The pressure at the bottom of the deepest ocean is akin to one person trying to support the weight of 50 jumbo jets. Such tremendous weight would crush a man. The weight of our sin crushes us absolutely. Yet, God crushes sin by the weight of His holiness. As an imitator of God, I am to express unchanging love to my beautiful girls.
Practically, here's how that looks. When addressing the dire need to clean up their room before we have to evacuate the house and call a trained Hazmat team, I must set them down and explain to them that I love them unconditionally whether the room gets cleaned or not. Now, if the room does not get clean I will be hurt because I specifically asked them to do something. I will not approve of their disobedience, but my love will be constant. My desire is for them to respond to me in love and obedience, not just at the thought of avoiding punishment. They are not scoring points with dad. Together, we are expressing God's love to one another. My love should be patient, while their love should be responsive. Corners and raised voices be gone!
The second truth that struck me applies to all of life and not just parenting, but I find it particularly poignant here. Jesus instructed his disciples that to love him involves keeping his word(John 14:23). While this may seem to focus on my children, it really focuses squarely on me. God reminds me as a father to not exasperate my children. I dare say the "dirty room" debacle involved some fine examples of exasperation, as my frustration level with disobedience skyrocketed into the stratosphere. Perhaps that was my blood pressure, instead. Regardless, I was the one wallowing in disobedience. I made a manageable situation virtually unmanageable. The way of Christ had been thwarted. Would I really desire my girls to mimic my demeanor? The "or else" strategy must be discarded. I choose to adopt a grow in grace mentality from now on.
In reference to my girls, they must understand the importance of what we are seeking to instill in them. Disobedience will not be handled lightly, but it will be handled differently. No more corners for this parent, until God shows me another corner I have so finely parented myself into unwittingly. My girls will become beneficiaries of grace, more so than they have been accustomed to as we all adopt a grow in grace mentality. I pray they come to acknowledge and understand they can please God by loving and serving their parents. I pray that my wife and I please God by lovingly serving them. That's parenting that allows for a graceful exit from any situation. May the Lord increase us in His wisdom, so that we may imitate Him, so that the life of Christ will flow through our families, that we may walk by the Spirit of God in this jungle of parenthood. James 1:5 instructs in this way, "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." Let us ask in faith without doubting.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
The Divine Selfie
I know, really, I know. The word "selfie" sends many of you running and screaming in the opposite direction. You either love taking them, or loathe seeing them. I'm sure middle ground exists, but it appears to be rapidly disintegrating like the middle class in America. However, a reevaluation is in order. Like an adept spin doctor, we shall cast the word in a new light.
Yesterday, my wife shared an enlightening video featuring popular blogger, author and speaker, Ann Voskamp. She spoke passionately about Christ and His wonderfully redeemed bride. Her challenge led the listeners into a time of deep reflection, at least it did for this partial listener. I say partial because I only watched a portion of the video, but I saw and heard enough to convict. When we assess our relationship to Christ what do we discover? Have we made seeking Christ into a mechanical business transaction? Lord, forgive us for our sin is great.
You are probably wondering how we can make a fluid relationship into a mechanical transaction, right? I'm glad you asked. Imagine a golf swing for a moment. Classic, timeless golf swings appear seamless and flawless on camera. Unfortunately, my golf swing is neither. The ease and power generated by the polished golfer astounds me. While that swing has been forged through endless hours of repetitive motion and mechanical memory points, it appears both beautiful and fluid on camera. I have discovered that the more I focus on mechanics while I am swinging, the more rigid the swing becomes. I feel heavily restricted and incapable of producing anything resembling a fluid motion. I am thinking so much about the dynamics of the swing, that my swing loses its' dynamic. Confused?
Think about it this way. Our relationship with God through Christ is built upon the mechanics of grace. By spending countless hours soaking up His grace, reveling in His grace, being renewed in His grace, the fluid dynamic takes root. The freedom we have in Christ radiates from our core. We then experience daily renewal, which can be defined as an intense repetitive freshness. I thirst for His grace and goodness, which makes for gladness. This type of relationship is dynamic, fluid and powerful.
Being in relationship to God Almighty, through His one and only provision the Lord Jesus Christ unleashes this powerfully free life. However, if I treat God like a commodity or something that I get to enjoy in exchange for something I give, then I have made that relationship mechanical. It has morphed into a business transaction. I put in X and I receive Y. Grace is lost. Gladness is stamped out. Drudgery is gained. Rigid legalism is tattooed upon my heart, because I have reduced everything to a bottom line, to earning potential. If I don't perform at a high enough level, then my relationship with God will be less than ideal. Where can joy and gladness be found in that type of relationship?
Look at it this way. If I am only in this relationship for what I get out of it, then I am a user. I perform what I must to get what I want. Real love and real joy are strikingly absent from this picture. God should enthrall all my senses, my total being. Heart, mind, soul, and strength should run like a tributary toward the great river of God's delight. The only currency I have to give unto God is my self. Losing my life for the sake of Christ and His gospel is the only way to save and secure life.
Now, that sounds like I am getting something in return. I give up life in order to gain life. The Bible clearly states that God is a rewarder of those that seek Him(Hebrews 11:6). God gives because He is a gracious giver. He is not obligated to bestow His grace. I am a wretch of a man. You are a wretch of a person. But, that did not stop God from giving His one and only Son that we may have abundant life, eternal life. We did not engage in a business transaction. God posted His divine "selfie," Jesus.
Christ is the exact representation of God's nature and the radiance of God's glory(Hebrews 1:3). In Him, the fullness of Deity dwelt in bodily form(Colossians 2:9). Jesus declared boldly that if you have seen Him, then you have seen the Father(John 14:9). This truth impacts us squarely between the eyes. It penetrates to the point of dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, even judging the thoughts and intentions of the heart(Hebrews 4:12). That's a selfie I can gaze upon endlessly. The pure freedom of the gift of God's grace is beautiful to behold. I haven't earned it, instead I have responded to His gift. He initiated the relationship. We experience peace and reconciliation with God through union with Christ. That union comes through repentance and faith. I must cease trying to use God for my selfish purposes. Our relationship is built upon immovable principles, but the dynamics of that relationship are fluid and free.
The psalmist captures this dynamic with these glorious words, "Glory in His holy name; let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad. Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually(Psalm 105:3-4). Notice that glory and gladness accompany this quest. God delights in finding and being found. The prophet Jeremiah attests that we should seek God wholeheartedly, and when we do we will find Him(Jeremiah 29:13). This search cannot come from selfish motives. It looks nothing like a cold, mechanical business transaction. Grace beckons us forward. God illuminates our path. God wraps us in peace, truth, love, forgiveness and righteousness. He rewards those who seek Him by faith. Here, the heart bursts with gladness. I know I haven't earned one cent of His love and grace. There was not a transaction, but there was a transformation. I will never own a fluid golf swing at this stage of life, but through Christ I am the humble possessor of a dynamic and free relationship with the Creator of all things. He purchased you and me by the sacrificial blood of the Lamb. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!
Yesterday, my wife shared an enlightening video featuring popular blogger, author and speaker, Ann Voskamp. She spoke passionately about Christ and His wonderfully redeemed bride. Her challenge led the listeners into a time of deep reflection, at least it did for this partial listener. I say partial because I only watched a portion of the video, but I saw and heard enough to convict. When we assess our relationship to Christ what do we discover? Have we made seeking Christ into a mechanical business transaction? Lord, forgive us for our sin is great.
You are probably wondering how we can make a fluid relationship into a mechanical transaction, right? I'm glad you asked. Imagine a golf swing for a moment. Classic, timeless golf swings appear seamless and flawless on camera. Unfortunately, my golf swing is neither. The ease and power generated by the polished golfer astounds me. While that swing has been forged through endless hours of repetitive motion and mechanical memory points, it appears both beautiful and fluid on camera. I have discovered that the more I focus on mechanics while I am swinging, the more rigid the swing becomes. I feel heavily restricted and incapable of producing anything resembling a fluid motion. I am thinking so much about the dynamics of the swing, that my swing loses its' dynamic. Confused?
Think about it this way. Our relationship with God through Christ is built upon the mechanics of grace. By spending countless hours soaking up His grace, reveling in His grace, being renewed in His grace, the fluid dynamic takes root. The freedom we have in Christ radiates from our core. We then experience daily renewal, which can be defined as an intense repetitive freshness. I thirst for His grace and goodness, which makes for gladness. This type of relationship is dynamic, fluid and powerful.
Being in relationship to God Almighty, through His one and only provision the Lord Jesus Christ unleashes this powerfully free life. However, if I treat God like a commodity or something that I get to enjoy in exchange for something I give, then I have made that relationship mechanical. It has morphed into a business transaction. I put in X and I receive Y. Grace is lost. Gladness is stamped out. Drudgery is gained. Rigid legalism is tattooed upon my heart, because I have reduced everything to a bottom line, to earning potential. If I don't perform at a high enough level, then my relationship with God will be less than ideal. Where can joy and gladness be found in that type of relationship?
Look at it this way. If I am only in this relationship for what I get out of it, then I am a user. I perform what I must to get what I want. Real love and real joy are strikingly absent from this picture. God should enthrall all my senses, my total being. Heart, mind, soul, and strength should run like a tributary toward the great river of God's delight. The only currency I have to give unto God is my self. Losing my life for the sake of Christ and His gospel is the only way to save and secure life.
Now, that sounds like I am getting something in return. I give up life in order to gain life. The Bible clearly states that God is a rewarder of those that seek Him(Hebrews 11:6). God gives because He is a gracious giver. He is not obligated to bestow His grace. I am a wretch of a man. You are a wretch of a person. But, that did not stop God from giving His one and only Son that we may have abundant life, eternal life. We did not engage in a business transaction. God posted His divine "selfie," Jesus.
Christ is the exact representation of God's nature and the radiance of God's glory(Hebrews 1:3). In Him, the fullness of Deity dwelt in bodily form(Colossians 2:9). Jesus declared boldly that if you have seen Him, then you have seen the Father(John 14:9). This truth impacts us squarely between the eyes. It penetrates to the point of dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, even judging the thoughts and intentions of the heart(Hebrews 4:12). That's a selfie I can gaze upon endlessly. The pure freedom of the gift of God's grace is beautiful to behold. I haven't earned it, instead I have responded to His gift. He initiated the relationship. We experience peace and reconciliation with God through union with Christ. That union comes through repentance and faith. I must cease trying to use God for my selfish purposes. Our relationship is built upon immovable principles, but the dynamics of that relationship are fluid and free.
The psalmist captures this dynamic with these glorious words, "Glory in His holy name; let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad. Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually(Psalm 105:3-4). Notice that glory and gladness accompany this quest. God delights in finding and being found. The prophet Jeremiah attests that we should seek God wholeheartedly, and when we do we will find Him(Jeremiah 29:13). This search cannot come from selfish motives. It looks nothing like a cold, mechanical business transaction. Grace beckons us forward. God illuminates our path. God wraps us in peace, truth, love, forgiveness and righteousness. He rewards those who seek Him by faith. Here, the heart bursts with gladness. I know I haven't earned one cent of His love and grace. There was not a transaction, but there was a transformation. I will never own a fluid golf swing at this stage of life, but through Christ I am the humble possessor of a dynamic and free relationship with the Creator of all things. He purchased you and me by the sacrificial blood of the Lamb. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!
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